It’s a cold start to November and, only six days in, everybody is already drunk off Vaseline. I mean, more than any other cosmetic product in the history of the world, Vaseline has embedded itself into our lives for many reasons.
After TBoy posted his tweet about Vaseline, it got us to thinking… What’s the general talk on Twitter about Vaseline? Just the general talk. So we searched Twitter for “Vaseline” and this is a summary of what we came up with.
Some bush people who don’t know about lube use it to have sex with others, or play tricks on others, which is just wrong.
secret number six – i let this guy use my mates vaseline as lube then didnt tell my mate oops hahahaha
— han (@hannahrosie__) November 2, 2012
Eww! Other bush people still use Vaseline to have sex with themselves
Yuck! But some people have become wise to the fact that Vaseline isn’t the best product for everything
This guy is just a Vaseline perv
Rubbing Vaseline on my nipples real quick
— Steven Carey (@scarey_5) October 31, 2012
So with the sex out of the way, we started to really delve into how dependent people have become on Vaseline. Obviously most of us past the age of six use Vaseline (or variation of petroleum jelly) to protect our lips from chapping in harsh climates.
But we found that people can become so attached to Vaseline that they get a little bit too obsessive about it.
Take this girl for instance
It's dangerous to go out in this cold without vaseline
— The Bizzness (@AngelaJLM) November 6, 2012
I mean, dangerous, you know! Lol, we get her point. This dude puts it more realistically:
If you don't have vaseline on a day like this #GoodLuck
— N.A (@Nnams_10) November 6, 2012
Truth be told, we feel the same. Vaseline can be a life saver but we wouldn’t go as far as this person
People in this office are definitely NOT serious. Some idiot hid my vaseline!
— CN ® (@crazynairobian) November 6, 2012
Seems they’re about to go all crazy in their office. Let’s hope we don’t read about a mass office shooting in the news, stranger things have happened.
Then there’s this girl, I’m sure everybody can relate to her plight
Can't stand people putting their fingers into my vaseline. NO.
— Hannah Banana (@HannahStead1) November 6, 2012
Hahaha, true, true. Sometimes when someone asks to use your Vaseline, don’t you feel like rubbing some into their hands for them and saying, ‘there you go!’ rather then letting them dig finger potholes in your nicely smooth layer? I know I do.
We came across some people who don’t seem to realise Vaseline isn’t for eating
Why on earth would you buy normal vaseline when cocoa vaseline is the same price and tastes 100 times nicer?!
— becca (@chicken_licken2) November 6, 2012
Yeah. You shouldn’t be swallowing Vaseline past the age of about 8 months when your mum applies it to your lips. Get over it.
Now, this tweet worried us:
A) Why is your mum putting Vaseline on the dog’s lips, and B) Why is your mum licking the dog’s lips? C) Please tell her to stop
Ceri Evans got us thinking,
I've never actually finished a pot of vaseline
— ceri (@_cerievans) October 30, 2012
D’ya know what, you’re right! That’s one of the mysteries of the world. Who can honestly say they always finish a tub of Vaseline before they get a new one? Come on now. Not Alice:
I've got about 10 pots of Vaseline in my room yet I never know where any are
— a.e.h (@aliceehobbs) November 2, 2012
Then we came across these guys and really wished they carried out this prank
— Andrew Wakely (@druwakely) November 4, 2012
How cool would it be to see that on YouTube, Lol!
But one of the funniest Vaseline tweets we saw was this one
I always have to sleep next to a pot of vaseline. Canny be goin sleep with dry lips, what if i link man in my dreams
— zae (@zaesudxsh) October 30, 2012
Poor girl, lying there hoping for her Prince Charming to come and kiss her in her sleep. Don’t she know in 2012 Prince Charming probably wouldn’t be troubling those lips! But that’s another story. Actually, after we visited her Tumblr, we reckon she probably already knows that… and would prefer it.
But the very best tweet we saw about Vaseline today was this one from @RonnieiSprint
Yeeeeah! Now that’d be dope!