Jermain-Defoe 90k transfer canadaIn another “I can’t believe how much money he’ll get” football story, Jermain Defoe has been offered £90,000 a week to quit Tottenham and play for Toronto FC in Canada.

That’s £5 Million a year to play soccer, (which isn’t really football if you ask me) in what South Park taught me is one of the lamest countries ever.

We don’t know if Defoe will accept the offer yet, but while we wait to hear if the footballer will be getting more money, here’s seven things I would do if I were Jermain Defoe, earning £90k a week.

1. jermain defoe hairstylesGet a crazy hairstyle like this random line, but fill the line up with Chopard diamonds, because I can.

2. alexandra burke jermaine defoe cheating Kirsty CrummeyPay people to buy my ex-girlfriend Alexandra Burke’s records. Because to be honest, she needs all the help she can get.

3. will-ferrel-in-money-suitMake a money suit and walk around like a big shot.

4. legacy-by-angostura-world most expensive drinkBuy a couple of bottles of  Legacy by Angostura, then pour it on the floor for all my fallen homies.

5.  nandos-dundrum-irelandBuy every single piece of chicken in all the Nando’s restaurants in London and make a lot of people mad.

6. ashley cole £90k tweetTweet an ‘obscene’ remark against the FA like Ashley Cole, get fined £90k, then pay that shit off in cash.

7. wembley arenaChange £90k into £1 coins and place one coin on every seat in the Wembley stadium.