After news broke yesterday that a school in south London has banned its students from using urban slang, we couldn’t help but to reflect on the ramifications of this.
Harris Academy Upper Norwood has implemented the plan to enable its students to “express themselves confidently and appropriately.”
Those heard using informal language will be asked to “reflect” on it. Because reflecting is the answer to everything in schools.
Words such as “ain’t”, “innit”, “coz”, “like”, “bare” and “extra” are some of the banned words. The phrases “you woz” and “we woz” are also strictly verboten.
Starting sentences with “basically” and ending them with “yeah” is also considered to be too trashy.
That’s a lot of words! We hope their “reflection” room is big enough for all the non-conformists.
Like us, you’re probably wondering what a conversation between two teenagers banned from using urban slang in school will sound like.
So here goes:
Chontelle: Hi Sheniqua, what you saying?
Sheniqua: I’m cool blud, just bare tired innit. My little brother was being a dickhead playing GTA all night.
Chontelle: Seen. I slept late too, you get me.
Sheniqua: Why though?
Chontelle: Basically, I linked this bredda yeah…
Sheniqua: Is iiiiiiit?
Chontelle: And we woz like just chatting all night, lying in bed… two twos now his ex ting comes into the room and I just ducked out of there, coz I’m not about to beef some any girl over a guy.
Sheniqua: Jokes! Was it Darnell’s brother?
Chontelle: Yeah. You know Darnell tried to move to me?
Sheniqua: What a prick! He’s always on road with those dogs.
Chontelle: Yeah, he’s so extra, always tryna be the badman.
Sheniqua: Innit! Anyway I gotta go now, If I’m late for class I’ll get detention.
Chontelle: What? That’s peak!
Sheniqua: Yeah we got that new teacher. She’s jarring, she won’t let us do nothing
Chontelle: That’s long.
Sheniqua: Innit though. Anyways I’m gone.
Chontelle: Cool. Later
Translated Conversation (without the urban slang)
Chontelle: Hi Sheniqua, how are you doing?
Sheniqua: I’m fine thanks. Just extremely tired. My little brother was being a pain and playing a violent video game all night.
Chontelle: I understand. I slept late too.
Chontelle: I met this guy…
Sheniqua: Really? Well, come on then.. Don’t keep me in suspense….
Chontelle: And we were talking all night, lying in bed, when of all a sudden his ex girlfriend came into the room. And I just ran out of there because I’m not going to get involved in a fight with a girl I hardly know, over a guy.
Sheniqua: Absolutely hilarious! Was it Darnell’s brother?
Chontelle: Yes. Are you aware that Darnell tried to chat me up?
Sheniqua: What an idiot! He’s always loitering around with those dogs.
Chontelle: I know. He’s so over the top, he’s always trying to show everyone who’s boss.
Sheniqua: My thoughts exactly! Right, I must dash, If I’m late for class I’ll get detention.
Chontelle: What? That’s shocking!
Sheniqua: Yes, we have that new teacher. She’s very annoying, she won’t tolerate us misbehaving in any shape or form.
Chontelle: What a bother.
Sheniqua: Isn’t it just? Well, I’ll be off to my lesson then.
Chontelle: OK. Talk to you later.
Sheniqua: Yes, until then.
Did you understand all that? Newspaper websites which published the story yesterday saw their comments go into overdrive as middle England celebrated the news of this school’s action. Is it really that bad or is the establishment just going too far with this?
What do you think? Was the school right? Is middle England being extra about this whole thing?