getting coach to the mobos glasgowUnlike those of you who booked their tickets to Scotland in advance for the 2013 MOBO Awards, the ladies at Pappzd made an eight hour trip to Glasgow on a stuffy coach. It was an experience I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy and one I will never forget for the rest of my life.

I learnt some valuable lessons while travelling with a coach full of people up North. And in case you ever feel like torturing yourself by taking a coach to Glasgow, here are some things you shouldn’t do.

1.Turn up at 11:05 when your coach leaves at 11.

Then make a scene, trying to stop the coach as you offer yourself as a human sacrifice by standing in front of the vehicle.

trying to stop a national express coach

2. Ask anyone when you arrive in the next city. 

flirting on national expressSmall talk will turn into: “Do you want to spend the night with me?”

3. Eat

eating on the national express to glasgowThe driver will confiscate your food, then chuck you off the coach in Milton Keynes. And trust me, you don’t want to be stranded in Milton Keynes in the middle of the night.

5. Ask a Scottish coach driver to turn the heating down.

He just won’t do it

4. Sit near anyone with long legs

long legs on national express

6. Get the coach to Scotland.

Just don’t do it. Book in advance, hitchhike if you must. Walk if you have to. Just stay away from the coach.