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Lil’ Kim headlined Musicalize at the IndigO2 on Friday night, for her first UK performance in like 100 years, after she missed her Lovebox Festival gig this summer.

lil kim dancing musicalize 2013

We must admit, we were a bit worried that the 39-year-old pint-sized US rapper wouldn’t be able to put on a good show, but after running off stage a number of times and guzzling a couple of litres of water, the feisty and highly sexually charged Queen Bee of the 90s came to life and had the crowd in orgasmic fits of ecstasy, with songs such as Crush On You and Magic Stick.

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The CEO dancers were on hand to help Lil’ Kim, wearing white shirts under sexy leotards. She also hired some poor lads, who stood completely still throughout her whole performance. Like totally still, they weren’t even allowed to breath.

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Unsurprisingly the performance was full of dance moves one may have previously seen porn stars throw down in secretly watched web clibs. But it’s Lil’ Kim, and if she didn’t come out on stage grabbing her crotch behemoth camel toe and suggestively licking her microphone in a manner that would raise even Miley Cyrus’ eyebrows , I would have been worried.

lil kim outfit musicalize 2013

All Health & Safety rules were broken when Kim sang Lighters Up, urging the crowd to, yes you guessed it, put their lighters up. Kim also brought out her protegee Kimberly Fox and forced us to sing Happy Birthday to her, which we did, begrudgingly.

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The former Junior M.A.F.I.A. star sang covers of Alica Keys and Jay Z’s Empire State of Mind, played us a remix of a Beyonce track and performed a cover of Rihanna’s Man Down, wearing tight red shorts and a little blazer that showed off her bra and lil bit of nipple.

The most shocking part of the show was the absence of two of her most popular songs: Get Money and No Matter What They Say. I mean why wouldn’t you perform those tracks Kimmy? Why?