So we all watched Tom Daley’s ‘shock announcement’ YouTube video yesterday, and while the entire UK press jumped on this whole bravery thing, we got to the end of the clip and realised we were still waiting for the said ‘shock announcement’.

Like, hellooooooo.

So here are five announcements we think Tom Daley should have made that would’ve been more surprising.


I’ve decided enough is enough and I promise to never ever wear Speedos again. No one wants to see them budgie smugglers. No. One!



After having a word with the Lord I have decided against hosting a second series of Splash! and sincerely regret imposing the first series on the innocent members of the public. I’m sorry.


Ok, so here’s the thing. I’m actually really afraid of water and use this whole diving thing as a means of extreme immersion therapy, so please get over it already and just let me fucking be. OKKKKkkkkkkk????? *Breathes*


I’m really truly the secret love child of Kate Middleton and Richard Hammond.



I’ve been in a really deep meaningful relationship since last spring and it made me feel really safe. And the thing is, it wasn’t with a girl… It was with the mirror. But the really serious issue here is that it’s really upset all my past boyfriends (and girlfriends, of course) and means I can’t hold a steady relationship with another human being.


So now, what was it you wanted to tell us all again, Tom?